Well, they've done it: the Pittsburgh Steelers will play a home game the afternoon of our wedding.
Even better: they're playing the NY Giants, the home team for most of Ms Astrophe's family.
Better yet: our wedding's planned for 1pm. the game's at 4:15. There's a not-inconsiderable chance of people walking out of our reception to go watch the football game.
Actually, there's a not-inconsiderable chance of the wedding party walking out of our reception to go watch the game.
This could get real interesting. . . .
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
In which Mr Astrophe's inner future librarian comes out and does a dance.
Two concepts that would be impractical for our needs, but. . . .
(A) Library wedding! Not just a library-themed wedding, but a wedding in a library.
(2) Similarly, here's a post from someone who wanted to have their wedding in Powell's, the massive bookstore in Portland, but settled for getting some pictures done there.
If we hadn't already gotten our invites, or at least the blank paper we're going to print them on
(and, obviously, if it hadn't already been done), I would be so down with making these book-pocket card invitations. . . .
::sigh:: I am such a geek.
(Library wedding and invitations via librarian.net; Powell's wedding via library wedding.)
(A) Library wedding! Not just a library-themed wedding, but a wedding in a library.
(2) Similarly, here's a post from someone who wanted to have their wedding in Powell's, the massive bookstore in Portland, but settled for getting some pictures done there.
If we hadn't already gotten our invites, or at least the blank paper we're going to print them on
(and, obviously, if it hadn't already been done), I would be so down with making these book-pocket card invitations. . . .
::sigh:: I am such a geek.
(Library wedding and invitations via librarian.net; Powell's wedding via library wedding.)
Saturday, February 9, 2008
the travails of Mr. and Ms. Astrophe
Why is it, that when planning a wedding, my fiance turns into an additional bridal accessory in the eyes of many vendors?
Mr. Astrophe is a naturally quiet and reclusive soul. I am a more loud and flamboyant type. This compounds the problem, since in any given situation, I am the fast-talking, hands-waving half. So we get into meetings with vendors, and they don't even LOOK at Mr. Astrophe half the time, which pisses me off. They all assume that I am the BRIIIIIIDE and it is my SPESHUL DAAAAAY. And, I mean, it IS my special day, but it's just as much Mr. Astrophe's special day! They tend to seem actually shocked when I ask for his input into the whole thing, and downright astounded when I listen to it. What are full-blown "standard" brides like? Have their brains degenerated into clouds of tulle as a result of listening to innumerable spiels about "magical moments" and "real-life fairytales" and letterpress versus engraved invites?
A sort of additional annoyance is the difference in how I am treated once I mention the "W" word. So, for instance, I had a hair appointment today. My hair is very curly, which tends to unnerve stylists, as the current fashion is to have pin-straight hair (or so I am told), and it is apparently Not the Done Thing to allow your hair to roam free-range. (They don't seem to understand the concept of having neither time, skill, nor inclination to stand in front of a mirror for a full hour with a round brush, blowdryer, fine-toothed comb, and flatiron.) So I finally found a hair place where the stylists are cool with the idea of naturally curly hair left to do its natural thing. I've gotten a great cut every time, some good recommendations for products that take the frizz out of the curl without taking the curl out of the frizz, and I've been pleased as punch usually. Until today. The stylist asked "Are you growing it out?" and I innocently mentioned that I was getting married in October and that I was trying to grow my hair out enough to rock an updo for the wedding. (I've got a classy-looking dress, and I want to show off the cool neckline and back.) Her ENTIRE demeanor changed - "Well, we've GOT to straighten it, then!" She seemed so crestfallen at the idea that I might not want it straightened that I finally relented and let her take a flatiron to my head.
Let's get a couple things straight (haha) before I proceed. I have curly-ass hair. Not wavy, not slightly curly, but full-blown corkscrew curls capable of defying gravity. They stretch out like Slinkys and snap back into position with almost-audible force. As a girl, old women used to fondle my head and coo that I resembled Shirley Temple, at which point I usually kicked their walkers as hard as I could, and occasionally bit their hands. I now know that it takes a professional at least a full hour to straighten my hair, and that said professional might lose a couple combs in the process (my hair ate one of the combs, breaking off two teeth with alarming ease). After this lengthy ordeal, she showed me what I look like with straight hair. It looked cute. But then again, I'm a cute girl, so of course my hair looks cute on me. Then she says:
"Look at your hair! It's SOOO SEXY! You'll be SUCH A SEXY BRIDE!"
Like it wasn't sexy before, bitch? And I'm gonna have curly-ass hair for my wedding! As soon as an iota of humidity hits that shit, it's gonna be curly ANYWAY!
Time for a new stylist who doesn't have weird "people getting married must be straight of hair" issues.
Mr. Astrophe is a naturally quiet and reclusive soul. I am a more loud and flamboyant type. This compounds the problem, since in any given situation, I am the fast-talking, hands-waving half. So we get into meetings with vendors, and they don't even LOOK at Mr. Astrophe half the time, which pisses me off. They all assume that I am the BRIIIIIIDE and it is my SPESHUL DAAAAAY. And, I mean, it IS my special day, but it's just as much Mr. Astrophe's special day! They tend to seem actually shocked when I ask for his input into the whole thing, and downright astounded when I listen to it. What are full-blown "standard" brides like? Have their brains degenerated into clouds of tulle as a result of listening to innumerable spiels about "magical moments" and "real-life fairytales" and letterpress versus engraved invites?
A sort of additional annoyance is the difference in how I am treated once I mention the "W" word. So, for instance, I had a hair appointment today. My hair is very curly, which tends to unnerve stylists, as the current fashion is to have pin-straight hair (or so I am told), and it is apparently Not the Done Thing to allow your hair to roam free-range. (They don't seem to understand the concept of having neither time, skill, nor inclination to stand in front of a mirror for a full hour with a round brush, blowdryer, fine-toothed comb, and flatiron.) So I finally found a hair place where the stylists are cool with the idea of naturally curly hair left to do its natural thing. I've gotten a great cut every time, some good recommendations for products that take the frizz out of the curl without taking the curl out of the frizz, and I've been pleased as punch usually. Until today. The stylist asked "Are you growing it out?" and I innocently mentioned that I was getting married in October and that I was trying to grow my hair out enough to rock an updo for the wedding. (I've got a classy-looking dress, and I want to show off the cool neckline and back.) Her ENTIRE demeanor changed - "Well, we've GOT to straighten it, then!" She seemed so crestfallen at the idea that I might not want it straightened that I finally relented and let her take a flatiron to my head.
Let's get a couple things straight (haha) before I proceed. I have curly-ass hair. Not wavy, not slightly curly, but full-blown corkscrew curls capable of defying gravity. They stretch out like Slinkys and snap back into position with almost-audible force. As a girl, old women used to fondle my head and coo that I resembled Shirley Temple, at which point I usually kicked their walkers as hard as I could, and occasionally bit their hands. I now know that it takes a professional at least a full hour to straighten my hair, and that said professional might lose a couple combs in the process (my hair ate one of the combs, breaking off two teeth with alarming ease). After this lengthy ordeal, she showed me what I look like with straight hair. It looked cute. But then again, I'm a cute girl, so of course my hair looks cute on me. Then she says:
"Look at your hair! It's SOOO SEXY! You'll be SUCH A SEXY BRIDE!"
Like it wasn't sexy before, bitch? And I'm gonna have curly-ass hair for my wedding! As soon as an iota of humidity hits that shit, it's gonna be curly ANYWAY!
Time for a new stylist who doesn't have weird "people getting married must be straight of hair" issues.
gift registering shenanigans
Registering for gifts was a part of the whole wedding brouhaha that I thought would be really fun. Actually, it was not quite as much fun as I had envisioned at first, but it was still pretty amazing. I mean, when else do you get to zap everything you want with a gun and expect that people will actually BUY some of it for you?
We went to Macy's (formerly Kaufman's) to set up our first registry.
PROS:
Macy's is everywhere.
Macy's is classy enough that uptight old people will be satisfied with the opportunity to give us nice plates.
The Downtown Pittsburgh Macy's is one of those old-school urban department stores with like 13 floors, the kind of place where you feel like you're a little kid in a movie, and a fortune teller is going to pop up from behind an Oriental rug and change your entire life in an instant. I love going to that store whenever possible and I don't even ever BUY anything.
We registered on the day of a bridal show, so the regular "Wedding Consultant" was not there to harass us.
CONS:
Macy's has a "Wedding Consultant" whose job is to follow you around and try to get you to put more and spendier stuff on the registry.
Even the backup Wedding Consultant wanted to do this, until I scared her off with my patented Scary Glare of Scariness.
The Downtown Macy's may have been a poor choice to go to for a bricks-and-mortar registering experience, as the smaller area of the store precludes having all the choices you need to examine.
OVERALL REGISTERING SCORE: 7/10. Bonus points for cool ancient department-store vibe, minus points for annoying registry department and crappy selection of stuff like tablecloths.
Our next stop was Target, where we registered for all the things we really hope to get.
PROS:
Has cooler stuff than Macy's.
Target is also everywhere, so people can actually look at stuff before buying it.
Internet kiosk at front of store keeps interactions with Target staff to a minimum.
Lets same-sex couples register, so I don't feel quite as heterosexist registering there.
Overall, more fun and less annoying than Macy's.
CONS:
Won't let you put stuff on sale on your registry, because it won't be available indefinitely at that price.
Makes me want to put questionable items, such as a $600 TV, on my registry.
OVERALL REGISTERING SCORE: 8/10. Way funner, but had some annoying quirks.
The scanning gun was pretty cool. I thought I was jaded with the scanning gun from Giant Eagle, the local supermarket chain (they have a "Personal Shopper" thing where you scan your groceries with a gun as you buy them, then pay at the end at the self-checkout lane), but no. I am in love with the scanning gun. Mr. Astrophe had to take it away from me, though, because I kept feeling the need to surreptitiously scan the asses of innocent and unknowing attractive shoppers who passed us by. (Me: "But I waaaant it!" Mr. Astrophe: "I doubt they're selllllling it!")
So yeah. Now we have that done. I really hope that setting up the "traditional" registries doesn't keep our artist friends from making us fun and funky artwork, or our cool DIY indie friends from making us cool DIY indie stuff. Because that's the stuff I really love. When it comes down to it, I can buy myself a KitchenAid mixer. I'm so conflicted sometimes.
We went to Macy's (formerly Kaufman's) to set up our first registry.
PROS:
Macy's is everywhere.
Macy's is classy enough that uptight old people will be satisfied with the opportunity to give us nice plates.
The Downtown Pittsburgh Macy's is one of those old-school urban department stores with like 13 floors, the kind of place where you feel like you're a little kid in a movie, and a fortune teller is going to pop up from behind an Oriental rug and change your entire life in an instant. I love going to that store whenever possible and I don't even ever BUY anything.
We registered on the day of a bridal show, so the regular "Wedding Consultant" was not there to harass us.
CONS:
Macy's has a "Wedding Consultant" whose job is to follow you around and try to get you to put more and spendier stuff on the registry.
Even the backup Wedding Consultant wanted to do this, until I scared her off with my patented Scary Glare of Scariness.
The Downtown Macy's may have been a poor choice to go to for a bricks-and-mortar registering experience, as the smaller area of the store precludes having all the choices you need to examine.
OVERALL REGISTERING SCORE: 7/10. Bonus points for cool ancient department-store vibe, minus points for annoying registry department and crappy selection of stuff like tablecloths.
Our next stop was Target, where we registered for all the things we really hope to get.
PROS:
Has cooler stuff than Macy's.
Target is also everywhere, so people can actually look at stuff before buying it.
Internet kiosk at front of store keeps interactions with Target staff to a minimum.
Lets same-sex couples register, so I don't feel quite as heterosexist registering there.
Overall, more fun and less annoying than Macy's.
CONS:
Won't let you put stuff on sale on your registry, because it won't be available indefinitely at that price.
Makes me want to put questionable items, such as a $600 TV, on my registry.
OVERALL REGISTERING SCORE: 8/10. Way funner, but had some annoying quirks.
The scanning gun was pretty cool. I thought I was jaded with the scanning gun from Giant Eagle, the local supermarket chain (they have a "Personal Shopper" thing where you scan your groceries with a gun as you buy them, then pay at the end at the self-checkout lane), but no. I am in love with the scanning gun. Mr. Astrophe had to take it away from me, though, because I kept feeling the need to surreptitiously scan the asses of innocent and unknowing attractive shoppers who passed us by. (Me: "But I waaaant it!" Mr. Astrophe: "I doubt they're selllllling it!")
So yeah. Now we have that done. I really hope that setting up the "traditional" registries doesn't keep our artist friends from making us fun and funky artwork, or our cool DIY indie friends from making us cool DIY indie stuff. Because that's the stuff I really love. When it comes down to it, I can buy myself a KitchenAid mixer. I'm so conflicted sometimes.
Friday, February 8, 2008
How to Stress Out Over an Officiant
So it's hard to find someone to marry you when you are a godless infidel.
Mr. Astrophe and I are atheists. We don't really want to do the whole self-uniting thing, because we haven't been married before and we want someone to help us do it. Unfortunately, none of the judges/magistrates/whatever are super-willing to leave their busy lives and come marry us on Sunday in the park.
Mr. Astrophe doesn't so much want an interfaith minister because he feels it's hypocritical to have someone marry us whose power to solemnize a marriage stems from a position of religious authority. I tend to agree, but I am too pragmatic I guess, because I don't really care as long as there aren't any shout-outs to God in the ceremony; Mr. Astrophe is the idealist around here.
Someone on IndieBride suggested that we take a gander at Celebrant USA to find a wedding officiant. Lo and behold, there is a so-called "Civil Celebrant" based out of Pittsburgh. I'm gonna check it out - maybe it'll even be legal in PA.
Mr. Astrophe and I are atheists. We don't really want to do the whole self-uniting thing, because we haven't been married before and we want someone to help us do it. Unfortunately, none of the judges/magistrates/whatever are super-willing to leave their busy lives and come marry us on Sunday in the park.
Mr. Astrophe doesn't so much want an interfaith minister because he feels it's hypocritical to have someone marry us whose power to solemnize a marriage stems from a position of religious authority. I tend to agree, but I am too pragmatic I guess, because I don't really care as long as there aren't any shout-outs to God in the ceremony; Mr. Astrophe is the idealist around here.
Someone on IndieBride suggested that we take a gander at Celebrant USA to find a wedding officiant. Lo and behold, there is a so-called "Civil Celebrant" based out of Pittsburgh. I'm gonna check it out - maybe it'll even be legal in PA.
Vendors We've Chosen
Photography - Yos Wisnu. Yos is a pretty cool guy and an awesome photographer; his portfolio is filled with gorgeous images. He's new to the Pittsburgh area, so his '08 prices are super-cheap if anyone is looking for a good Pittsburgh photographer.
Cake - Bethel Bakery. Tasty cake, and not as pricey as you might think. Including delivery to the other side of town on a Sunday, a cake that serves 80 people (small 3 tier cake) costs about $350.
We're still debating over caterers and officiants, and flowers haven't even come up on our radar yet.
Cake - Bethel Bakery. Tasty cake, and not as pricey as you might think. Including delivery to the other side of town on a Sunday, a cake that serves 80 people (small 3 tier cake) costs about $350.
We're still debating over caterers and officiants, and flowers haven't even come up on our radar yet.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
married on the cheap(-ish)
According to mainstream wedding websites and magazines, most weddings cost somewhere in the $15,000 - $20,000 range, with the average couple shelling out $18,000 for their wedding.
Were this the case with our wedding, we could not afford to get married probably ever, but definitely not until I was well into menopause and Mr. Astrophe’d gone bald. So we are doing this thing on the cheap. We’re shooting for a $6,000 wedding, although we do have this tendency to overspend, so it might not work out as cheaply as we’d hoped (especially since it appears that finding an officiant is going to be a spendier matter than we’d originally anticipated).
So now the question is: How the hell do we have a wedding with about 100 guests while staying within the $6000 ballpark? The answer: We aren’t entirely sure yet. We hope that we do it well. So far, it looks like we’re going to save on the reception venue, the dress, and the booze. We’re splurging a little bit on the caterer and the photographer. We haven’t picked out the other stuff. My mom is insisting on us having a real wedding cake, so she is buying that.
For your edification (not that you particularly wanted to be edified by it), here is our overall budget plan:
CEREMONY
Marriage license: $50
Officiant: $450 (probably. We haven’t picked an officiant yet.)
Ceremony site/décor: Same as reception, so $0.
CEREMONY TOTAL: $500
RECEPTION
Venue: $315
Catering: $22/person x 100, plus tableware/linens/gratuities/taxes → $3000
Alcohol: $400 for beer, wine, and hot cider
Décor (flowers, candles, etc.): $400
Entertainment: PA system rental for about $200; we’re going to use iTunes playlists in lieu of a DJ
Photographer: $700
RECEPTION TOTAL: $5015
ATTIRE
Gown: $125 (I got it on clearance at Nordstrom’s, and it is awesome. It is a knockoff of that white Valentino gown that Cameron Diaz wore at some awards show sometime, and it is fucking gorgeous and I look pretty hot in it. It also fits me absolutely perfectly, so it doesn't require any alteration - I am the "perfect size" for that manufacturer's clothing. Mr. Astrophe has seen me in the gown, and he nearly defiled it, so great was his ardor.)
Groom’s suit: We haven’t bought it yet, but we figure like $400 for a suit + alterations.
Veil: Not having one, thankyouverymuch.
Groom’s accessories: $100
Bride’s accessories: $100 (though gorgeous, the gown requires insane bondage-like undergarments!)
Flowers for people to carry and/or wear: $100
Makeup: Doing my own
Hair: $35 (Someone has to do my hair for me, because I didn’t get the owner’s manual for my hair. There are insane amounts of it and it is curly like you can’t even imagine.)
ATTIRE TOTAL: $860
STATIONERY:
We have basically made our own stuff. Save-the-dates, invitations, and postage probably sum up to like $100.
WEDDING TOTAL: $6,475
So we are a few hundred dollars over budget as I project it, but we aren’t doing terribly horribly. (I did not include the cake in the budgeting, as we weren’t planning on having a wedding cake until my Mom threw a shit fit that we weren’t going to have one, and said that she’d pay for it.)
We will probably be right on budget if only like 70 people show up instead of the 110 on our guest list. It is likely that not everyone will be able to make it, but I would rather spend a few hundred extra dollars to see people there than to not invite people or, worse, hope that family and friends can't come to my wedding! I caught myself hoping that not everyone would show up, so I told myself that I was going to make a list of people on the guest list who I wouldn't mind not seeing, and then just take them off the guest list. It turned out that everyone on the list was too important to me. It was actually a really nice realization, because Mr. Astrophe and I hardly see anyone anymore, so we frequently feel isolated. It is nice to realize that despite having moved so far away from friends and family, that there are still so many people who are important parts of our lives.
Were this the case with our wedding, we could not afford to get married probably ever, but definitely not until I was well into menopause and Mr. Astrophe’d gone bald. So we are doing this thing on the cheap. We’re shooting for a $6,000 wedding, although we do have this tendency to overspend, so it might not work out as cheaply as we’d hoped (especially since it appears that finding an officiant is going to be a spendier matter than we’d originally anticipated).
So now the question is: How the hell do we have a wedding with about 100 guests while staying within the $6000 ballpark? The answer: We aren’t entirely sure yet. We hope that we do it well. So far, it looks like we’re going to save on the reception venue, the dress, and the booze. We’re splurging a little bit on the caterer and the photographer. We haven’t picked out the other stuff. My mom is insisting on us having a real wedding cake, so she is buying that.
For your edification (not that you particularly wanted to be edified by it), here is our overall budget plan:
CEREMONY
Marriage license: $50
Officiant: $450 (probably. We haven’t picked an officiant yet.)
Ceremony site/décor: Same as reception, so $0.
CEREMONY TOTAL: $500
RECEPTION
Venue: $315
Catering: $22/person x 100, plus tableware/linens/gratuities/taxes → $3000
Alcohol: $400 for beer, wine, and hot cider
Décor (flowers, candles, etc.): $400
Entertainment: PA system rental for about $200; we’re going to use iTunes playlists in lieu of a DJ
Photographer: $700
RECEPTION TOTAL: $5015
ATTIRE
Gown: $125 (I got it on clearance at Nordstrom’s, and it is awesome. It is a knockoff of that white Valentino gown that Cameron Diaz wore at some awards show sometime, and it is fucking gorgeous and I look pretty hot in it. It also fits me absolutely perfectly, so it doesn't require any alteration - I am the "perfect size" for that manufacturer's clothing. Mr. Astrophe has seen me in the gown, and he nearly defiled it, so great was his ardor.)
Groom’s suit: We haven’t bought it yet, but we figure like $400 for a suit + alterations.
Veil: Not having one, thankyouverymuch.
Groom’s accessories: $100
Bride’s accessories: $100 (though gorgeous, the gown requires insane bondage-like undergarments!)
Flowers for people to carry and/or wear: $100
Makeup: Doing my own
Hair: $35 (Someone has to do my hair for me, because I didn’t get the owner’s manual for my hair. There are insane amounts of it and it is curly like you can’t even imagine.)
ATTIRE TOTAL: $860
STATIONERY:
We have basically made our own stuff. Save-the-dates, invitations, and postage probably sum up to like $100.
WEDDING TOTAL: $6,475
So we are a few hundred dollars over budget as I project it, but we aren’t doing terribly horribly. (I did not include the cake in the budgeting, as we weren’t planning on having a wedding cake until my Mom threw a shit fit that we weren’t going to have one, and said that she’d pay for it.)
We will probably be right on budget if only like 70 people show up instead of the 110 on our guest list. It is likely that not everyone will be able to make it, but I would rather spend a few hundred extra dollars to see people there than to not invite people or, worse, hope that family and friends can't come to my wedding! I caught myself hoping that not everyone would show up, so I told myself that I was going to make a list of people on the guest list who I wouldn't mind not seeing, and then just take them off the guest list. It turned out that everyone on the list was too important to me. It was actually a really nice realization, because Mr. Astrophe and I hardly see anyone anymore, so we frequently feel isolated. It is nice to realize that despite having moved so far away from friends and family, that there are still so many people who are important parts of our lives.
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